If you have been searching for any dating advice, you have undoubtedly heard the phrase, “Just be confident.” No matter what guide you read or what video you watch, confidence always makes it in the top 5 most attractive and impressive characteristics when approaching women.
And confidence, together with self-esteem, can genuinely make the whole difference. But just saying to yourself to be confident doesn’t work. Well, it kind of does. I will explain what I mean soon.
The bottom line is - is confidence sexy? Yes. Can it improve your chances with girls? Yes. Can you build your confidence and self-image? Absolutely.
And here I will share the most effective ways I have found to approach this topic.
How To Relax And Be Confident Around Women You Like
1. Take It Easy On Yourself
To begin with, one of the main reasons why you aren’t confident is because you are too hard on yourself. Understand that this process takes time, and you will inevitably fail a few times on your way to success.
The most important thing is to turn off all negative input in your head. You need to feel comfortable in your own abilities and capabilities that you will deal with the problem. Too often, a bad mistake most people do is that they feel down if they don’t succeed in something.
Remember this- you become what your mind thinks of the most. And if you are focusing on your lack of success, you will get more of it.
Building confidence is a process that will take time and effort from your side. So even if you face struggles along the way, don’t lower your expectations during your progress.
Take note of this- obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
2. Optimistic Affirmations Combined With Positive Emotions
Here is the thing - your subconscious mind doesn’t know what is real and what isn't. It will believe whatever you continue to repeat to it and start acting to make it happen. In this sense, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you continually have negative emotions, pessimistic thoughts and disbelief in your capabilities, you are deliberately telling your subconscious mind that this is who you are and how you should act. So when you get close to a girl, your subconsciousness believes it is normal for you to screw things up and work in a way to sabotage yourself.
Since you have held a negative image of yourself for so many years, your subconscious mind is working against you. However, we can change that. The same way you have programmed it, that you suck with girls, is the way you can rewire yourself.
Many pieces of research prove the power of affirmation, but you don’t need to know all the science. What’s important is that they work.
Thus, I will ask you to create a list of exceptionally positive, highly optimistic, even unrealistic affirmations about you achieving the happiness you seek. Remember, the subconscious mind that understands it, and it will believe whatever you tell it to think.
After you make a list of affirmations, read it to yourself out loud when you get out of bed first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep. For instance, one of your affirmations can say:
“I am happily and easily having high levels of self-esteem, I know that my potential is limitless, I am easily approaching girls and I am confidently picking up, charming and seducing every single girl I talk to.”
The more vivid you make your affirmations, the better. And always tell them out loud to yourself so you can hear your own voice like a confirmation that the affirmation has already taken effect. And make sure to always associate with positive emotion and even an image.
Trust me, if you make a list of affirmations like this and repeat them every single day for an extended period of time, you will notice how you will change your perception and actions.
3. Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
The most effective way to build confidence is to do something that scares you every single day. You will eventually find out that the things you might consider scary will not kill you, will not harm you, and aren’t as frightening you might think.
Everybody has a different comfort zone. The best way to succeed is to gradually start doing something that scares you more and more. For instance, some guys are afraid to ask a girl out in the gym. This might be your opportunity to find out it is not scary or difficult. If this doesn’t scare you, do you have the courage to ask her for a blowjob at the gym?
As you see, we all start somewhere. What is important is where we are going.
Notice that if the actions you are taking don’t provoke any fear or anxiety, this probably means that the risks you are considering aren’t worth it. The only risks that are a little scary are the ones you have already outgrown.
4. Don’t Think, Just React
When I am facing a challenging situation, I always tell myself- FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real.
The only reason you are gathering worries is because you start thinking and going through all the possible permutations that might occur. You analyze so much that you paralyze yourself.
Remember, you are approaching a girl so you can take her out on a date and get some action for yourself. If she accepts, you will have grown out of your comfort zone and gotten the girl. If she isn't interested, you will have grown out of your comfort zone and have realized that this isn't difficult or scary.
As you see, you get something in all the cases. And this will just make you better and smoother for the next gorgeous girl that is waiting for you to approach her.
5. Take Better Care Of Yourself
One of the most obvious yet overlooked aspects- taking better care of yourself. If your hair is going in all directions, if your beard just seems out of place, or whatever the issue might be, you need to take action and fix it.
The same goes for your clothes. It will be hard to have confidence approaching women when your clothes are all in stains, or you look like a homeless person.
You don’t need to do anything out of this world- but you need to take care of your physical appearance. Because the way you groom and dress yourself is the way you present yourself to others. And if you make an excellent first impression, the rest is easy.
Talking about physical appearance, don’t forget to work out. Unless you are initiating a startup of your own business and you have to work 120 hours a week, you don’t really have an excuse why you can't hit the gym for 3-4 hours a week.
If you simply focus on going all out 3-4 times a week and try to improve your eating schedule, so that you are enjoying more healthy meals that don’t feel like a dreadful diet, trust me- in time, the results will speak for themselves, and you will be more than happy that you have begun.
6. Be Optimistic And Never Share Any Doubts
Now this kills two birds with one stone. On the one side, being optimistic leaves no room for doubt in your own abilities to approach and pick up women. On the other hand, this will naturally make you more attractive to women and will build your confidence.
While optimism is only one part of the equation, the other part is doubt. You should never, ever, ever share doubts with anybody.
Doubts are negative beliefs about your self-image. And every time you share doubts, you reaffirm all the negative thoughts you have about yourself.
Remember, doubts are a product not of intellectual thinking, but habitual thinking. You have been afraid to make a move on a girl for quite a while, you have continued to repeat it to yourself, and now you believe that you have a problem.
Well, that is not the case. Just think about this for a second - when you were born, you were born happy, excited, passionate and eager to learn more about the world. You weren’t born to be afraid to approach women. So why do you believe you have any problems?
As you see, perception is reality. And once you create the impression that you are charming, you are phenomenal, you are charismatic, you emit an aura of confidence and are a gift from heaven to women, this will become your reality.
And this is precisely what I want your reality to be like. And you are more than capable of achieving this, especially if you follow all the concepts I have outlined above.
Having said that, if you are looking for more information about building confidence and using it to get women, I would suggest you review “Collection Of Confidence”. This is arguably the best guide out there on inner game and building your self-esteem. If you are interested, you can check out our own review.