Why You Shouldn’t Chase Girls And What To Do Instead
Let’s take a quick look at a brutal reality many guys face nowadays- most, if not all of your friends are out there, meeting and dating women, arguably having the time of their life, and you are sitting in your home, trying to figure out what is wrong. You know that you are better and more capable of many of the people you know, yet you still can't manage to get a girl obsessed with you.
And in all the emotion you are caught up, you are asking yourself- what is my next move? Should I go out there and try to get a girl’s attention? Should I go after girls, chase them to prove to myself that I am really capable of having someone crave me and lust over me?
While these questions are emotionally thought, I will share with you my opinion on why you believe you should chase girls and what you really need to do.
The Real Question- Why Are You Chasing Girls To Begin With?
You are sitting and questioning yourself whether you should go out there and get yourself a girl, but have you ever wondered why you believe you should do this?
What I am asking is, do you really want to do this, or you just believe this is what you should do?
Because here lies the core of the entire concept. You see, people are like rivers- they meander, meaning they take the path of least resistance. Your natural state is to want to fit in the crowd, and not to feel like a fish out of water. This is the way you have been raised, and this is your default condition.
So now, when you open your social media account and start scrolling through the pictures and videos, you feel somehow left behind, like you are something less of a human. You see all the guys with their girlfriends, and you suddenly feel depressed.
This condition gets even worse if you are constantly watching porn and/or masturbating. You are combining your state of depression with the primal lust for sex. And, as a result, you are most likely just getting even more depressed.
We have been taught that men are hunters. We are the ones who go out there, chase the prey, aka the girl, and “get” her as a reward, or simply put get laid. And since you most likely aren’t following this path, you believe you aren’t a real man.
First of all, let me assure you that this is totally not true. Because real men aren’t characterized by whether they can get the girl or not. In fact, as funny as it may sound, real men don’t chase girls- they either go for the opener/close, or let girls chase them.
Now, let dive a bit more into the whole concept.
Why Do You Feel Like You Should Chase Girls?
Please understand that my point is not to hurt the feelings of anyone reading this post. However, I am willing to do this if this pain will help you understand an important concept about your life and help you make a change for the better.
Having that in mind, there are actually two reasons why you chase girls- lack of self-esteem and crave for sex.
Lack of self-esteem means that you have no belief in yourself and your capabilities, and you lack moral fiber. For that reason, you want to fit in. "If most of the guys I know have girlfriends, I definitely need to have one, too!”- that’s what you think. But just think about an interesting question for a second- will YOU date these same girls, marry them and spend the rest of your life with them?
You see, the fact that they have girls doesn’t mean much on its own. For instance, when I was single and most of my friends had girlfriends, I didn’t feel depressed. Why? Because I knew I wouldn’t date them, because I am searching for more in the girls I would want to date and be with.
And because I have self-esteem, I can easily say it and feel good about myself. Because I also love myself. And this is really important.
Remember- you are the most crucial person in your world. You need to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else? And if you don’t believe in your own capabilities, how can you be a good, if not the best brother, father, husband, lover?
My point exactly. And speaking of love, the second reason you feel like chasing girls is for the reward- the sex you will get once you have a girl. While I believe in physical intimacy, I am somehow dubious about hookups. While hookups can be fun, and while you might be looking forward to having a one-night stand, are you really sure that this is what you want?
If you take a girl you met at your place, have a wild night, and wake up the next morning not being able to stand up the girl that is sleeping in bed next to you, not being able to get over the fact that this is the very best you can do for yourself and you have sold yourself this short, what do you do?
What Do Guys That Chase Girls Really Have To Say?
Let’s now take a quick look at the professionals’ opinion. While I cannot speak from the name of every single pickup artist or player out there, reading many of their blogs and going over some of their social media profiles, I noticed an interesting concept.
Most of them simply wake up one day, usually somewhere between hitting 25 and 35, and wonder what has happened with their life. While they have been so busy chasing girls and being successful at it, they now have proven themselves that they can do it. But they have nothing going on in their life, and have no success in any other area, at least something that is genuinely “meaningful” and makes them stand out from the crowd.
And this point is crucial. You think about chasing girls because you believe you aren’t good enough and want to prove to yourself that you are capable of achieving success with girls. And you do this because you lack self-esteem and self-love.
The real question is what do you want out of life? You want to have a successful career, you want to create a family with someone you genuinely care for and love, you want to sleep with as many girls as you can, or what? What is it that you want?
Note that as a universal rule, you cannot have it all. You need to give something for something in return. And the thing you are giving is nothing else than time. And your time is finite, and the way you spend it will greatly determine how you will develop in the future.
Thus, I want to warn you- there is a thin line between enjoying the moment and slowly destroying your future!
Why I Prefer Opener/Close To Chasing Girls
I understand that we, as guys, at one point in life feel guilty of chasing women. It is in our genes, we simply want some sex. And to get it, most of us fall into this cycle of chasing girls.
Personally, I prefer openers/closing to chasing girls. This means that I will not deliberately go out of my way to meet girls. I won't go out on a Friday night to a bar, a club, or something similar. Frankly speaking, I have lost interest in these places, and more precisely, the girls you will meet there. The time, energy and money just aren’t worth the reward.
Having said that, I will take action when meeting a girl during my normal activities and commuting. When I speak about opener, I am referring to me making a move. If, however, she shows interest in me and is the first to approach, then I am talking about closing.
If I want to ask her out, I will go out there and start a small talk with her, eventually asking her out. However, if I just find her attractive and want to have sex, I will have a small talk and directly ask her out if she wants to come to my place. The same can be said if she is the one approaching.
There is no need to waste your time, and waste her time going out on dates if you just want to have one round with her in bed. The same way, there is no point in you going out on dates with someone you don’t like.
Know When To Move Forward
An essential concept is the concept of knowing when to say no and move forward. Let’s say that a beautiful girl approaches you, and wants to get sexual. You will have some action - great!
But what happens if this girl isn't exactly your type and you don’t find her that attractive? Would you still go out with her? Will you still be willing to sleep with her?
I can say for sure that if you are pretty much willing to sleep with every girl out there, or the first random girl you find, something isn't quite right. Here we aren’t talking about dating issues, we are talking about personal issues that are reflected in your dating life.
The other way around also holds true- what would you do if there is a girl that is nice and sweet, but you aren’t attracted to her? And when you go on the first date with her and see that things aren’t in place, how would you proceed?
Please put your act together and do the right thing. If the first date sucks, things won't get any better in the future. So don’t make it any harder for the girl if she is the one chasing your validations.
In both of these examples, you are shown what to do when a controversial situation occurs. Well, the same can be applied not only to these individual examples but the whole concept of chasing girls in general.
While I also enjoy getting some action, I will go for an opener/close and try my luck. I am not interested in going out of my way to prove to myself that I can get girls, so I don’t think about this whole concept. Instead, I just say “no” to the idea and move forward with my life. After all, it is not about taking a chance, it is about giving ourselves a chance.
Having this in mind, you need to give yourself a chance. Instead of gathering worries and negative thoughts, ones that might not lead you in any direction, I suggest you do something productive. Go hit the gym, start the business you have always dreamt of, or maybe focus on yourself and your own happiness.
Moreover, stay away from social media and all sources of pessimism. They will only bring you down and reincarnate the negativity. You will find out that when you take charge of your life, not only will you be achieving way more and have a lot more going on, but as a result you will also become more attractive to the opposite sex.
Remember, it is all about perception- the glass is half-full or half-empty. In both cases, we are talking about the same glass, but how you react to it will determine the way you carry on. This is the true meaning and beauty of having a high level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you are searching for a way to expand your comfort zone and build true confidence, I would recommend “Collection Of Confidence”- arguably the best inner game guide out there. And if you are interested, you can check out our review of the guide.